hidingbehindmyself's Journal

Saturday 18th April 2009 11:33

Once again it's been a long time between updates. Life has pretty much been coasting along ... work, renovating, watching tv, playing word twist, eating, playing with Amelia, sleeping, repeating etc. I'm home alone with Amelia today, as usual for a Saturday, but for some reason am lonely today. I was going to go visit S but she just cancelled, forgot she had a birthday party on. Oh well, I think I'll take Amelia swimming and get some much needed exercise... Easter was not kind to my waistline this year (is it ever???)

We had a lovely pre-Easter at Phillip Island with Kitty, Sim and Ruby. Amelia and Ruby are so very cute together. It's nice for Amelia to have another kid to be friends with outside of daycare. They went swimming together, had a bath together, ate together and held hands, so very cute.

Work is, well, lets not go there. I don't want to work in an office anymore, I am thinking of new plans and ideas but won't be jumping into anything anytime soon. We have some plans around having another baby and retiring to the island for the duration of my maternity leave, but it is dependant on so many variables, it is still a dream at this stage.

The renovations are nearly finished, we have only the bathroom to rebuild and the laundry floor to tile and the backyard to revamp... okay sothey aren't NEARLY finished, but we are getting there.

I have nothing to update really, just wanted to post something cos I was bored and Amelia is watching Lilo and Stitch for the thousandth time.

Hope you are all well!

Saturday 21st March 2009 11:15

Somewhere 6 weeks vanished on me again. I think I know where I lost them though this time. They got left at work in amongst all the 12 hour days and stress.

So yeah, it's been a hectic few weeks at work. Our bosses decided to participate in a trade show at the last minute which prompted 1.5 weeks of 12 hour days in preparation and a whole load of stress. The show was a reasonable success though and there was one amusing night out with a guy from work and Cate.

Following that it was time to get ready for the RSPCA annual open day which although I wasn't helping to organise this year, I am still a registered volunteer and offered to help out in any way I could. This eventually led to a discussion with the Campaigns team about helping them produce their Cat Kingdom for the event. Originally it was a few banners but it grew into a monster and resulted in a few 6.30pm finishes and one massive 11pm effort with a guy from work assisting me out of the "goodness of his heart" (man I owe him FOREVER!).

5 hours of cutting corflute signage with a blade is not easy on your fingers and I don't recommend trying it unless you have to LOL.

Then the weather turned nasty nasty and I was so paranoid that because our laminating machine had broken and I couldn't further protect the images that it would all fall to pieces, but it didn't and the Cat Kingdom was easily the most popular marquee on the day!

The Cat Kingdom and all it's furry eared attendants - I'm on the far right

On the day we had face painting, princess hat/prince crown decorating (the kids could become prince of princess protectors of the realm of cats), a pledge board for kids to pledge to always protect the welfare of cats, story time with picture books of cats the RSPCA has rescued, and while the parents stood around waiting for their kids to finish all these activities we hit them with the cold hard facts about the life of a stray cat and the 40,000 other cats one un-desexed cat can lead to over 3 years... Most people were in absolute shock once they read the figures and we think we made a real difference to the way some people think about cats!

Once the Sunday was over it was time to throw myself back into work and prepare for the Open Day, more 8pm finishes and a grumpy husband at home but work is finally now back to normal and I will hopefully get more sleep, drink less alcohol and eat better food! Well, maybe :)

As for the eating better food, I had put on over 5kg since starting this job and decided about 6 weeks ago to sign up Lite N Easy. I've lost 6 kilos since beginning it, and that is with many lapses into easter eggs, mcdonalds and other such terrible terrible foods like my new favourite Chicken & 5 Veg Burritos *drooooooools*.

Right now I am counting down til 5 days off at Easter and also til K and her NEW HUSBAND will be here in July and when Shaf hopefully visits in August! Good times.

Well my back is aching and Cate should be here soon to take Amelia to the waterfalls (the local pool which has a kids play centre with all kinds of moving water activities!). We try to go once a week with Amelia and I am trying to go swimming twice a week on my own, but it's been hard the last few weeks with so much going on. This week will be back to it!!

I hope everyone else's lives are going well!!!

Saturday 31st January 2009 10:55

I should be tidying up the house before the heat gets too oppressive but instead I'm just sitting here in front of the fan doing bugger all. The past 4 days of 40 deg + weather have meant that we have done nothing around the house and it looks like a hovel - but it's hard to care after 3 nights of barely sleeping because it's TOO BLOODY HOT!

Kitty is on her way over and we're going to take Amelia to the pool, then we are going to the beach for dinner tonight, yay water water everywhere!

The green doors are growing on me, I got such a massive shock when I first saw them upon arriving home from the island, but now I think they are okay, and once my shiny new chrome doorknobs arrive I think they will actually be quite good. Green door, what's that secret you're keeeeeeeeeepING? I remember singing that on school camps, I wonder why we did that?

School camps were always crap for me, it seemed to be the time when everyone decided they didn't like me after all and I don't mean boys, they never liked me hahahaha. Actually I'm wrong, mosquitoes liked me, in fact they LOVED me! Still do, although it appears the flesh of my daughter is tastier than my own these days and she cops it worse than I do. She has a giant bite on her cheek at the moment, it looks so red and painful.

Speaking of biting, the poor dear has been bitten by 3 kids at daycare in the last few weeks. Apparently biting is a phase a lot of kids go through, but Amelia has never bitten anyone as far as I know. Poor bub!

Right now I'd like to bite into some fresh fruit, I think I need to go shopping! But that involves braving the heat, and that is a scary concept. Maybe after swimming.

Ahhh swimming. I love it so much, I really need to move closer to a beach! We have looked at a lot of places online, and even a few in person but so far we haven't come close to finding the right place for all of us. I do believe the right place is out there though, calling us.... "heeeelllllooooooo, come and find me, live in me, love me and make me your home........"

I'm coming house!

Enough.

Saturday 27th December 2008 12:39

So for something different, 2 whole months has zipped by unnoticed as I forget on a daily basis to write some things down. My communication with the world online has been via 1 line status updates on FB... something I swore I would never even join, but now use like I used to use DD and LJ. Seems a lot of people have the same problem.

Work has been going along fine, I struggle to find enough to do a lot of the time, makes the days go by oh so slowly. I have found a person to be sort of friends with, but am not sure it is such a good idea... time will tell.

Maddy has settled down somewhat,s he is a pretty good dog now. She's still as dumb as ever, and as sweet. She still eats everything she can get her little mouth around and a few of Amelia's toys have gone "missing".

Speaking of Amelia, the little darling is growing up incredibly fast, and Ash has started talking about making her a brother or sister to play with, but no timeline has been discussed. We really are extraordinarily lucky with how good she is!! She has started sleeping in a "bed" now as opposed to a cot, although it is just her cot with the side taken down. Most nights when we check on her before going to bed ourselves we find her asleep curled up on the floor, or on a cushion we have next to the bed in case she falls out. We're not sure if she is falling out or climbing out specifically to sleep on the floor. Mum said she used to often find me on the floor though, and I'm okay!

She's worked out how to open a DVD cover, get the disc out and load it in the player. She'd have the play function down pat too if we didn't have such a crap remote that only works on a very specific angle.

Christmas was lovely, as was our pre-Christmas-Christmas in November. This year was no presents, just food, family and fun and I think we'll keep it that way for a long time to come! Amelia still gets presents, and the only drawback of the no presents rule is that she likes to hand out presents to other people so we might need to consider getting everyone chocolates or something so she can hand them out next year.

Kitty is coming over soon and we're going to take Amelia swimming, at least that's the plan. It's 25 degrees here, and a chance of thunderstorms. I should go get the washing in.

I should also be finishing off a website I but have no motivation to complete it today. It's too hot, it feels like 40, not 25. Maybe I'm not well. I slept for 11 hours last night, and am still tired. I wish Ash didn't have to work. It sucks having no time together. Bring on Jan 18th which sees us get 8 days straight together down at the Island while the house is being painted.

Oh yeah, renovations! We've redone the floors in most of the house as floating floors instead of carpet and it looks fabulous. We're still got the skirtings to finish, but we're getting there. We're supposed to have everything completed in time for painting, but it's starting to look unlikely. I'm worried. We just have no time between now and then, Ash's work is making him do Sundays, so we are not home together at all during the day ever. It's crap crap crap.

Ahhhhhhh well. I'm going to go see a washing line about some washing. Yeah.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Saturday 25th October 2008 11:40
Meh.

Once again over a month has flown past since I found the time and motivation to sit down and write, it seems so inconceivable to me that I used to make updates 4 or 5 times a day all those years ago when I first started an online journal, but then I was so miserable then, had loads of angst to get out!

It's going to be 31 degrees today, Ash is at work and Amelia is sitting on her chair eating toast and watching Lilo and Stitch for the 10th time this week, I now know every work to it off by heart, oh well, lucky I love the movie! Same feelings do NOT apply to the playschool DVD my bother bought her for her birthday, argh I am so SICK of getting the songs stuck in my head!!

Work is going okay, there is nothing exciting to report. It's a job. The people are people, some nice some aloof. Haven't found anyone to make friends with as yet, so still having lunch alone, but it's okay. I'm going back to RSPCA on Monday to have lunch with some of the girls, will be interesting to see how psychobitch reacts when she sees me. Pfft to her.

SO much has gone wrong in the last few weeks. I don't think the universe is trying to upset me personally, but I think someone out there has been enjoying watching all the crap that fell on us!

First my car died at work, in the pouring rain, after just about everyone had gone home and the RACV were having technical difficulties and couldn't answer the phone. Luckily one of the few people left at work on a Friday night had a little jump start machine and got it going long enough for me to get home. So I got the battery replaced.

The guy who replaced the battery didn't give it a work out like he was supposed to and as a result the stupid car kept stalling every time I slowed down, so the RACV came back again and fiddled with it.

Then a week later the starter motor went, in the daycare parking lot, on my way to work, on a day I had back to back meetings, in a spot that a tow truck couldn't get to. So I had to help the towie push the car out of the parking lot so it could be towed. Had a recommendation for a mechanic so got towed there, only to find he'd gone away on holidays and shut up shop for 2 weeks so had to find another one. Finally got the car unloaded, Ash left work and picked me up so I dropped him back to work then went myself, 2 hours late on week 3 *sigh*.

I was very thankful it had happened on pay day (Tuesday), only to check my bank and find no money. I spoke to the payroll people and was assured it would go in that night and be clear in time to pick up my car in the morning (Wednesday). It didn't. Mum had to lend me money to pay for the car - but when I went to pick it up, it wasn't ready, the guy I spoke to hadn't passed on the message to the boss that I had managed to get the money and was coming. *ARGH*. So had to go back the next day (Thursday we're up to now) on my lunch break to get it.

On Saturday Ash was at work and I was just going to get a few things at the shops before mum came over. I started driving and heard this awful noise, looked out the window and realised I had a flat tyre. I couldn't get the lug nuts off the car so was going to leave it there and walk to the shops when this guy who lives in the flats behind me came along and told me that he'd already helped 2 other people change their tyres that morning, someone had slashed a whole heap of tyres the night before. I told him I didn't nee dhelp and I would just walk to the shops and leave the car there til my husband got home, but he was insistent and refused to let me leave until he had changed it. Was a bit weird.

I walked to the shops and back and saw a tow truck coming down the street so went to have a sticky beak. The old guy 2 doors up was having his car towed as all 4 tyres had been slashed. I felt sorry for him and very lucky that only one had been done on ours.

Fast forward to Tuesday and Ash is shaking me awake at 6.45am, all 4 tyres on the other car have been slashed, and the whole street has been done again. The police are now investigating, but I don't think they are very hopeful.

In the middle I had bought a toilet training seat for Amelia that didn't come with bolts, a dog door for Maddy that didn't lock like it was suppsoed to, had 1 lot of friends forget to come over, our parent group cancel the kids birthday lunch, and I forget what else crappy happened. Oh yeah, Maddy is a pain in the but who barks all night and wakes us up, driving me nuts with lack of sleep.

Ah well, hopefully all the bad crap is over now as I still owe mum money and am just not mentally up to anything else shitful happening! I spent days trying to be thankful that everyone is healthy and blah blah blah, but seriously, thats a lot of shit to go wrong in a week!

Amelia is now 2 and has been having some wicked tantrums, but mostly she is still a pretty great kid and you can forgive everything when she cuddles you and says "love you mummy". Or when you are walking home and all of a sudden she goes "FANtastic!" out of the blue making you laugh hysterically.

Well I've got tons of washing to hang out, I better go and do something!

Saturday 20th September 2008 11:10

So much keeps happening that I feel I can't get it all down in words so I just don't write anything. I'm sorry!

Work went from bad to worse over the few weeks after I last wrote and eventually I just resigned. I didn't have another job to go to, I was broke but if I stayed another minute longer I was going to become a basket case. Once i had handed in myr esignation I smiled, really smiled, for the first time in weeks and weeks. It felt so much better to have no security, nothing to fall back on, than it did to be gainfully employed by a psychotic bitch.

I gave a weeks notice, resigned on the Monday morning and finished on the Friday afternoon, I felt bad for the girls, leaving them with so much work to do for the gala ball, but I couldn't have stayed longer once I resigned, it felt so wrong being there.

I already miss the job and the friends I made there like crazy, but I made the right decision. I applied for tons of jobs once I was done and I ended up with 4 to choose from. Two were pretty easy to say no to, one paid well but was way too far to travel and I wouldn't see Amelia enough, and the other didn't pay enough and the hours were too long for the amount of pay.

The third one I had decided to take even though the pay was far lower than I wanted because it sounded like a great opportunity and had so much potential for development. They called, offered me the job and I said great! Then the same day I got an email from a job I went for a month ago and didn't get. At the time I was devastated as it was a perfect job for me and I was really excited about it and felt like I had a really good chance. Now they wanted me for the job, the other person didn't end up working out. I was so torn! I really wanted this job, it paid more than the other one, it offered 6 weeks annual leave, leave loading, shorter work hours on school holidays.. but it was only a maternity leave position and dammit, I wasn't their first choice! For all I know I was 10th or even 100th! I spent hours on the phone to mum, Ash, my brother, trying to decide.

In the end I decided to take the job, even though I wasn't their first choice... but instinct told me to tell the other job my decision not to take it first. Immediately she was on the phone asking me how they could change my mind! I told her I didn't think they could as they had been pretty clear in the interview that what I asked for as a minimum salary was above what they had budgeted to pay for the role... and even if they matched the offer I had on the table, the other job still had 6 weeks leave etc. An hour or so later she was back on the phone with an $8k increase in their offer to account for extra leave and loading!!!! I nearly died!!!

I took the job :) It feels so good to know they really wanted ME, as opposed to the other job who didn't, they just got caught in a tough situation and needed someone ASAP.

So I now have a spanking new job to start in a weeks time and am really looking forward to it. I just hope I meet their expectations which are bound to be very high now!

In other news, we got a dog just before I left the RSPCA. Her name is Maddy and she is a bit of a bitser. Officially she is listed as a Terrier X, but X'd with about 100 other breeds I think. She is a sweetheart though, she came from a cruelty case where the owners had over 100 dogs, but couldn't feed or care for them all and so let them run wild in packs and hunt like wild animals, rendering them feral and rather dangerous. I think Maddy must have been bottom of the pack and so is a timid shy little dog who just wants constant love and affection. She had mammary gland cancerous lumps removed so couldn't be adopted through the normal channels, so we fostered her! She is fitting right in, the cats ignore her and Amelia loves her!

Speaking of the girl child, she will be 2 very soon and is a source of constant amazement to us. Particularly last night when she started singing along with Antisocial by Anthrax in the car hehehehehehe.

I need to go and do some housework and write a speech for my friend's 30th tonight, the dreaded formal that we had to buy new clothes for *sigh*! Hope everyone is well and enjoying life!

Current Mood: excited

Wednesday 20th August 2008 21:49

So it's been a while between posts again, sorry about that!

Work issues got sort of resolved, which is to say they coulnd't find any evidence and had to back pedal, but they refuse to apologise and act like they are doing me a favour by letting me off the hook. I've been for 3 job interviews since, but no luck as yet. One I didn't want, one didn't want me and the other I am awaiting a call from. On the plus side though if nothing comes of these, my old boss will soon be my new boss at work as the team splits in two soon. Just what the place needs, more managers and less workers... yeah.

I do have a new part time job, my new shiny business cards arrived from Rose and Steve yesterday, I am their new Sales and Marketing Director... too funny hey? I've started handing them out and am just waiting for the flyers to be printed so I can start making us all some new clients and thereby some more money. Would be awesome if this could be a full time job in a year or so. The job I am waiting to hear from is a maternity leave position of 6 - 12 months so it would be perfect!

There are so many things that make me mad about work, the expenses that are unnecessary, where the funding could go to animal welfare instead, and i put all these proposals together to save them money and they just sit on them and sit on them. It's so frustrating. I will miss the people I work with though if I have to leave.

Amelia turns two in 6 weeks. It's freaking me out a little, the time is just flicking on by. She knows so many songs now and serenades us with Baa Baa Black Sheep, TWinkle Twinkle little star, Frere Jacque (sp?), ABC, Teddybear teddybrea, round and round the garden, a bunch of others, and scarily, the song from the Australian Idol tv commercials and the Safeway theme music! She loves those safeway ads, particularly the little boy with the avocados.

She had hand foot and mouth disease recently, poor thing, it was yukky looking, but only the blister on her tongue really bothered her too much.

I've been so sick lately, I seem to get everything that goes around and nothing will go away quickly. I don't sleep anymore and am finding everything really hard. I think the anti-depressants I ended up on after the work dramas are messing with my sleep patterns. I feel more stable and able to cope, but sleep is essential for me and I am floundering without it.

The Olympics bore me to tears and they won't get off the damn television, even when mine is off I can hear it coming from the deaf neighbour's tv... I'm sure he must be nearly deaf, he has the TV up so loud and he leaves his front door open no matter what the weather is like.

Well Ash is sick in bed, and I think I might go and help keep him warm, poor dear. Hope everyone is well!

Tuesday 8th July 2008 14:18
its not fucking fair

So it's been a rough few days. My job I loved with the reasonably nice people has turned into a nightmare.

Yesterday morning I was supposed to have a catch up meeting with my boss SS and she was not available for it. She pulled me into her office later and told me in whispered tones that she still wanted to have a catch up with me that day, but because there were a few attendance issues to talk about she had asked HER boss, J to sit in on it with us. I said okay and went back to my desk. I figured she was going to bring up my sick leave, ask me if something was wrong, was I dying, pregnant,etc. Maybe they had a problem that I had been late to a meeting last week, all things I was prepared to cop and apologise for for (although you can't really apologise for being sick.. but hey).

When I got to the meeting no one was there, I waited, no one came, after a few minutes I went to look for them and they were in J's office, not SS's. No one told me about that.

First thing SS says is "this is an official meeting, and while it is not an official reprimand, it could well become one, and everything that is discussed will be going on your employment record". Confused, I nodded and waited for them to continue.

She told me they were here to discuss my continual absence from work, 13 days in 6 months, and the fact that I had only provided documentation and filled in the appropriate forms for 4 of those days. I was stunned. I said there is NO WAY I had that many days off work, that is over 2 a month! I reminded my boss that whenever I had a day off she was chasing me within minutes of my return to work to fill in a form for her to sign, which I always did. She sais that's another thing, she shouldn't have to chase me... I responded that she chases me within minutes of my return to work, I don't get a chance to act independently. And in fact this was the first time I had a sick day (Friday) that she hadn't hassled me, and look, here's my form AND a medical certificate off my own bat.

They started telling me that I had to pay back the company 9 days worth of pay and how was I going to do that? Did I want to cancel my annual leave or have the money deducted from my wages. At this point I asked what days they were and could I please see them? SS started to read them out to me but J stopped her and said they would email them to me. I only heard the first 3 dates, and I know I was sick on the first, but I also know I was there for the other 2 and I filled in a form for the first one. How do I know? Well the first date was SS's first day with the company and I was sick that day, lousy timing. I presented her with a form to sign as part of our first meeting. That's day 2. Day 3 we did a server migration of the website which I was there for. I didn't get to say any of this yet though as

I was now crying and this turned into a complete panic attack and I couldn't breathe. SS started counting and holding my hand to calm me down. I couldn't stop though and eventually she went and got me a glass of water and I started to recover. I apologised for losing control, but said I am still not well and this is a complete shock to me. I never uite regained my composure. J wanted to postpone the rest of the meeting until another day, but I wanted to get it over with and said keep going. The meeting then turned into a mess, I got defensive and asked them if they wanted me to leave, if they thought I did a bad job in my role, they assured me my work is fine and they are pleased by it. Except for... and started reeling of that I don't take enough responsibility, I shouldn't wait for managers to approve things, I should hassle them because if they don't sign off, it's MY fault things are delayed, even though my work is done on time. I said that i felt they didn't think I was doing a good job as I only ever got negative feedback from them and J started going on about how negative feedback is essential, how will I know I fucked things up if she doesn't tell me huh? And besides she ALWAYS tells me I do a good job. LIES!! She has never once said something nice to me about my work. I knew I should stop talking but stuff just kept coming out and I started crying again, and it was just a mess.

It was left that they will email me the dates and havea think about what I wanted to do about it. They still haven't emailed me the dates and I have left messages asking them to, so i don't know what's going on.

I spoke to the HR manager from my old work as the one at RSPCA is SS's best buddy there and he assures me it is all a bit weird, it's not just me. I have spoken to a couple of legal places and they can't do much unless they fire me or force me to quit, unless I want to file a bullying complaint, but that has to go through HR first I think.

All I can think is they want me to quit, or they want to get me for fraud and fire me. Why, I don't know. As far as I know I have done nothing wrong and I have been wracking my brains trying to work it out. I am so upset, I really hate that this is happening to me. Reallyfuckinghateit.

I'm sure I will find when I see the dates that I was in the office on most, if not all of those days, and the ones I wasn't that I either filled in a form or made up the day on a different day. Which is fine, but it means i am going to make my boss out to be al iar and she is going to hate that, which means work is going to be horrible form now on. No matter what happens I am going to have to leave, it's just a matter of my terms or theirs. Either way it is not far and I feel sick about it.

Saturday 5th July 2008 19:03

Ash is out playing poker with some guys from his course and I have just put Amelia to bed and am now sitting here wondering what to do with myself... should I read, play a game, watch a movie? Or just piss away the time with drivel here?

Drivel it is.

My birthday was a big success, everyone had a ball. We scoured op shops and junk shops for everything we could possibly need for a senior citizens hoedown. We didn't manage to play bowls as the budget wouldn't stretch to include it but we did have Bingo, Checkers, Backgammon, cards, a jigsaw puzzle and some theming with nanna rugs, free medication upon arrival, with 2 choices, the hard stuff or the placebo (vodka jelly shots or mini m&m's) in little pill cups. I also made up old people name tags so everyone had to choose a name on arrival. My mum bought an old style hors d'oeuvre holder which was dressed with toothpicks containing kabana, pickled onions and cheese and a very scary fashion.

Most people dressed up and although some people went to a lot more effort than others, everyone seemed to get into the spirit of the evening. I even got old themed presents wracking up a haul of mini gin bottles, boiled lollies, $5 in a card, some Christmas bath confetti, a Christmas ornament and a very very ugly statue from the op shop. Taking the cake was a box of suppositories from H (containing no tablets, but a most welcome gift voucher!), he even tried to convince the chemist to make up a fake prescription label to go on them but he refused.

I thoroughly expected all the games to be just props as people talked and maybe danced, but no one danced except me and kitty and all the games were played, the jigsaw even got finished. My friends are weird, but I love them! Everyone brought heaps of food, and I cooked all day on the Friday, but it all got eaten. I got a little tipsy and vaguely remember eating lasagne at 4am when we got home!

Here's a photo slideshow from the night for those who aren't on my FB friend list.

click here

In other news, we are still slowly improving the house and I'm still wondering what to do about my job - should I stay and struggle financially or go and most likely do a job I hate to make the money we need??? It's a tough decision.

Amelia has taken to singing a lot lately, here's her version of Baa Baa Black Sheep...

'baa baa black sheep uni wool yessir yessir yessir yessir yessir bags full one master dame lane'

It's so impossibly cute. She also sings Round and round the garden, Row row row your boat, Teddybear teddybear, Twinkle twinkle little star and a few others. She can count to ten now although she frequently misses out eight, and she's starting to recognise some letters of the alphabet. Each day she makes me shake my head in wonder as she learns something new, and when she says "fanks mummy" when I give her something, or "ta much daddy" it's so cool. We've taught her please and thankyou, excuse me, bless you, she's a polite little thing. Until she headbutts you in the groin while yelling "crash mummy" and giggling her head off. She loves being tickled and is animal crazy.

Driving home from the country last weekend she was nearly wetting herself (actually she may well have been, hehe) with excitement every time we went passed a sheepybaa or a moocow. Today we went past a circus that was packing up and despite my moral objections to animals in circuses, we had to stop and let Amelia see the elephants, camels and ponies in the paddocks. It was definitely a highlight for her, one of the ponies sniffed her hand and ate grass out of it. She looked delighted.

When I am sick (like now) she tries to put me to bed and rubs my head saying "poor mummy, go bed now". Don't get me wrong though, she can also me a mega pain in the butt and an absolute brat when she wants to be, but it is not very often and it doesn't usually last long.

She fell down and broke her front tooth a little while ago which led to her first dentist trip, she thinks the dentist chair is a slide and when I went back the other day for my check up (after being guilted into it during Amelia's appointment!) she kept trying to climb on it and slide back down, a trifle hard when I am in the chair with a drill going in my mouth!! I only needed one filling and a scrape though so it wasn't too bad.

My mum's recovering well from her hip replacement and is enjoying her time off work. I get to see her quite a bit now as she is home from work and I visit on my days off. Amelia likes to use nan's crutches... it's amusing.

Anyway I think I might go watch a movie or something now, my flu is making me very lethargic. Until next time folks!

Wednesday 4th June 2008 20:25
June june june !

Seeing as it is a new month I should probably do an update on my boring life hey?

Money is starting to get really tight as everything goes up except our salaries. I wish fixed interest rates had been available on the home loan we took out, $400 a month increase is just about killing us. Ash is debating taking a night job, but I am trying to talk him out of it, he can't work from 6am til 10pm and study, it's not possible. He's been for one job interview for a non warehouse job and he has another tomorrow, but 90% of them haven't called him at all. Neither has a single job I have applied for. I'm guessing all the part time jobs are aimed at people who don't already HAVE part time jobs, they want someone who can work more than part time when needed *sigh*.

Work is trudging along, I am finally getting along with everyone and fitting in a little. It's nice, I just wish it paid more so we weren't drowning in debt, but we'll manage. If we have to sell the house, we have to sell the house.

Life outside of work has been up and down, as my brain works in fits and starts and I fall into some deep holes some days. I've gotten into contact with someone who hurt me deeply many many many moons ago and we are talking regularly. He doesn't remember much of it, although every instant is crystal clear to me, but he feels terrible and has apologised profusely. We might be friends. Facebook can be a curse and a blessing in one!

I'm having a big party for my 30th (at least, I HOPE I am having a big party, not many people have RSVP'd and I am wondering if I will have a big empty hall and no one to fill it. I always worry about that though, but this time I have a really bad feeling that no one will come!! In celebration of getting old I have booked the senior citizens hall and asked everyone to come dressed as senior citizens... think we might even play bowls on the night if I can get some cheap.

Anyways I'm pretty tired so I should run along and eat something so I can got to bed... Hope everyone is well and I'm sorry I haven't been around much!

Thursday 8th May 2008 14:15
May already? Holy CRAP!

I know it has been a long time since I have updated, the days just seem to blur into a moment and I rarely find the time to think coherently for even a few minutes.

Work is an absolute nightmare at the moment, we have our major fundraising event for the year coming up next weekend and we all feel so unprepared. My boss is being increasingly narky towards me, as she gets more and more stressed, and I seem to be the scape goat for everything that goes wrong. I may have been there longer than all bar one of our team of 5, but I have still only been there for 7 months! That does NOT make me an expert, and the things I am getting in trouble over were decisions that were made when I had only been there for a few weeks, but oh well. Hopefully after MPW things will settle down somewhat.

Amelia is growing in leaps and bounds, physically and mentally. She has such a good head for names, she seems to know the names of all the kids at daycare, and she definitely knows all the kids at swimming lessons. I've taken some more videos, I'll Youtube them when I return to broadband speed in a few days, she's so damn cute :)

Ash has aced both his exams at school so far, he thinks he got a perfect score for History and is pretty sure he got an A for English as well, although he won't find out til the end of the year officially, his teachers have hinted...

We have all been sick off and on, I had gastro for 4 days which involved 3 trips to the doctor, injections, prescriptions and a whole lot of sleeping. I was just recovering when I then sprained my ankle and ended up on crutches for a few days, before deciding my underarms hurt worse from the crutches than my ankle did in the first place and commenced hobbling again. If only work didn't have SO MANY STAIRS!

My foster kitten, which now belongs to H is going to feature in our Cat Calendar next year, so excited :) "my" kitten will be semi-famous. Sam's sister's dog is going to bein the Dog one too, and I helped her adopt him, so that is also exciting.

Ebony (En-oh-meeee as Amelia calls here, heh) has not gotten any better and has in fact lost more fur. I have now got her wearing an "Elizabethan Collar" (a bucket in laymans terms!) on her head to stop her licking at it. Since we put the bucket on she has become increasingly affectionate, sitting on our knees, following us around all the time and just wanting loads of affection, which of course we are usually very happy to give her! Except when cooking dinner, pain in the butt cat! She doesn't seemto mind the collar too much, after an hour of walking aroudn backwards trying to get it off, she accepted it and hopefully it will help some.

Haven't been hitting the gym much, what with the gastro and injuries, but I am enjoying the time I do spend there which is a big thing for me to admit!

Well Ash is due home from work in a few minutes so might go rustle him up some lunch!

Hope everyone is well :)

Wednesday 16th April 2008 20:53
Aprilaprilapril how can it be april???

Life has been ticking along here, nothing major has been happening, just the usual things life throws at you.

Ash and I have both joined the new local gym and have been forcing our poor lazy bodies to perform unnatural acts of fitness on a semi regular basis. My ordeal commenced last Thursday night when I decided to do a body combat class but was lied to by their recptionist about the time it was on and inadvertently found myself in a spin cycle class of pain! The upside was Guns n Roses was one of the tracks, never imagined cycling to Paradise City, bu it worked surprisingly well. I decided to have Friday off as my poor ass was so beaten and bruised from the bike seat that I could hardly move ... but it wasn't to be. The car had a blow out about 2km's from home and with Amelia crying in the backseat, waiting for the RACV to help me wasn't an option (it was already dark and I was nowhere near a street light and was not going to attempt changing it myself in those conditions!) and Ash was at the gym, so I decided to walk home, my poor feet, my boots are NOT good to walk in!

Saturday I attempted a thump boxing class, which was a lot of fun but showed how painfully little strength I have, one of the many things I need to work on. Sunday I did a body jam class, which showed how painfully uncoordinated I am, but was hilariously good fun. Monday night I had my first personal training sessionm which showed how painfully unfit I am *chuckles*.

I've had yesterday and tonight off as Ash has school and I have no one to watch Amelia. My body thanks me hehe. We are also trying to eat healthy and start looking after ourselves.

In aid of this, even though I baked a White Chocolate and Raspberry Cheesecake for Cate's birthday on Saturday night (finished baking at 1am), and I didn't even eat ANY! Yay me.

Work has been busy, and distressing - there are so many cruelty cases going on at the moment each one more heartbreaking than the last, I've shed a few tears at the photos that come through. I don't know how the inspectors do it each day, I know I couldn't.

In other distessing news, our interest rate has gone up AGAIN (5th month in a row) and that means another $80 a month - it's gone up over $300 a month in the last 6 months. When you don't get paid any extra to help cover it, it really hurts at the wallet end.

Had a bit of a mini breakdown on Friday night, S found a guy I used to be in love with (as a teenager), on Facebook and sent me his profile. For some reason that heartbreak has never quite stopped hurting (not surprising I guess, it nearly ended my, well, everything, at the time). The way I have allowed myself to be treated by so many people in my life just all came crashing back to me in one night and I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I think the worstpart is I would love an apology, but feel I would be more likely to receive a "what, who the hell ARE you?" type response. And I am not going to try to find out!

Agh.

Why can I never get over ANYTHING in my life? I am a hoarder, physically and emotionally. It is not healthy. Although as I said to Ash, if I wasn't like this, we wouldn't be where we are, I would have been over him and moved on years ago, so maybe there is a point to it all, in some small way.

My baby girl is growing up so quickly, she knows about 150 words or so now (that's our guess anyway) and is starting to string sentences together. She can count to 7 unaided and recognises A and M when I point to them in her name. She demands kisses constantly, not just for herself, for all her toys too hehehe, and she makes all her toys kiss each other all the time. Some days she hates me and refuses to come near me, all she wants is Daddy. Some days she loves me and can't stop cuddling and kissing me, but those days, she still loves Daddy too. Maybe the 12 months at home with her formed a bond that I will not be able to match? I don't know. It makes me sad sometimes, but she never fails to cuddle me if I cry, so a few sham tears here and there and I get my cuddle.... evil mummy. Some days Ash and I are one person, the mummydaddy entity that must be crawled upon from every angle. I just lvoe her to bits.

Well it's cold, I think I need doona time. Hope everyone is all well!!!

Thursday 27th March 2008 14:15

So another Easter has come and gone. We spent the long weekend building our very own deck and are so proud of how it turned out. I just wish we would get some sun now so I can sit outside and admire it :) It involved 2 days of long hard work, with 6 trips to hardware stores to obtain more implements, including a jig saw and a circular saw.We only had one heart stopping moment when Ash was using the post hole digger we hired (now hiring THAT was a drama in itself) and he hit a piece of piping under the ground. We both held our breath waiting to see if water would come gushing up into the air or the smell of gas wafting around, but neither thing happened and we came to the conclusion that it was part of our downpiping and we fixed the hole in it and moved right along.

Ash and bro couldn't believe it when we had finished the framework and the whole thing was completely level. Ash kept shaking the spirit level and saying "it MUST be broken! We can't be THAT good". But we were.

I posted the photos of the deck the other day so won't post again.

Amelia and I are both coming down with the flu again, once again sick of being sick.

Pretty much all we have done lately is watch old TV shows, making our way through Boston Public (together) and Gilmore GIrls (just me) at the moment. I've even got Saved by the Bell... hahaha.

I'm still struggling with what to do with myself career wise. The home loan rates keep going up and up and soon we are going to struggle to make repayments with me only working part time, so I don't know if I will be able to stay at the RSPCA, even though I really really want to. I asked them if I could work 4 days a week, but they don't have the budget to pay me... :(

I'm freezing, going to get offline now! Hope everyone is doing well!!

Tuesday 25th March 2008 12:47
Deck building Easter party!

Wednesday 19th March 2008 20:29

Not much to report lately. I worked 7 days straight then had to go to work on my first day off to take Ebony to the vet for her hair loss. She started losing hair a couple of months ago and is now almost bald on her back end, my local vet diagnosed OCD and put her on anti-depressants, but he gave me some very strange instructions on how they should be used and she got worse. The RSPCA vet gave her a long range cortozone (never know how to spell that) injection in case it was an irritation of some sort, seeing as she doesn't appear stressed in any way. Now we have to wait and see if it helps.

We had our open day at work on Sunday, it got up o 43.9 degrees in the sun on the day which was AWFUL, but overall the day was reasonably fun. We didn't raise nearly as much money as we have in previous years, I think the heat just kept everyone away. I was in charge of the children's tent, but I spent more time rushing around helping everyone else than I did supervising face painting and fairy floss production!!

I also had a moment of utter frustration...

Ash was supposed to be bringing Amelia in at 10am when the gates opened to try to beat the heat. By 10.30 I was getting a bit annoyed that he was late as it was getting hot. By 11 I was getting REALLY annoyed and started ringing the house phone and his mobile. By 11.30 I started to get worried when he was answering neither. By 12.30 I was near frantic and fighting back tears when there was still no answer on either phone, I didn't know what to do. I was convinced they had been in an accident and something awful was happening.

At 1pm he finally rang me back. They had both been asleep. I could have killed him!! I burst into tears and ran off into the toilets to have a bit of a sob in relief, and anger. I know he's tired, starting work at 6am is not easy, but I was just so scared... In the end they got there about 2pm and Amelia had a BALL! She was being sniffed all over by a Llama which she thought was the funniest thing ever, her giggle was so cute when the llama tried to lick her ear.

I've been considering going to uni, initially I was thinking about doing teaching, but now I am widening my options as I am not really sure what I want to do. Ideally I would love to teach, but it will take me 8 years to get a degree part time ... 38 is a bit old to enter the teaching world I think so I am doing a lot of reading up and a lot of thinking.

We spent the labour day long weekend at the Island which was so good, the beach is so much a part of me - just being NEAR it makes me feel so much better, to be able to be in the ocean 3 times in 2 days was just awesome. I so need to move to the coast sometime soon.

We're planning on building a deck this weekend, we have had the concrete torn up and have ordered the materials to be delivered tomorrow. We have NO idea what we are doing, but Rose kindly sent me some books and we are sure we will fumble our way through it okay. Kitty and H are coming over to help and Ash's dad is coming down at some point too. Wish us luck!

I am so glad to be up to 6 days off work, so I am going to lie down and watch spick and specks and enjoy my new freedom!!

Happy Easter everyone.

Tuesday 12th February 2008 18:19
Photos of Sambo the foster kitten

Tuesday 5th February 2008 21:53

I thought I might use my home alone time to make a quick update. Ash has started school tonight, and as I have Tuesdays off, it has been a pretty long day. Amelia and I had lunch with a friend from my old work which was nice and then I hung around the office for a bit chatting to other people to avoid coming home and cleaning (bad of me I know!).

I am so proud of him for going back to do Year 12, I really hope he enjoys it, and it will force me to learn how to spend time with myself I guess. I didn't cope well with it when he was working night shift, but at least we still get to go to bed together every night this time. He has classes twice a week, Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 5.30 - 9.30. Given he works from 7am - 5pm, those are long long days for him. I used to to 6-9pm twice a week when I was studying, but I didn't have 7am starts.

Ash and I have both signed up for memberships at the new gym opening up down the street, we have about 5 weeks left until it opens, but are wondering if it is worthwhile, given Ash is going to be so busy with school and I can't go while he isn't here either. Life just gets too hard to organise sometimes with the bub. But we do need to do something, we are both getting rather chubby. My addiction to playing online games on facebook isn't helping that much either. I resisted signing up to the stupid site for so long, but kept getting friend requests from so many people I eventually gave in. Now I am so badly addicted to playing online scrabble it is ridiculous!

Work is okay, busy busy and a bit of pressure coming down on me at the moment, I shouldn't voice ideas aloud until I am sure I can do them, everyone expects me to deliver things I think of in record time frames and it just isn't possible in 3 days a week. I have been debating asking if I can work from home "one day a week" (probably more like a couple of hours aday, but they don't need to know that) on project stuff that I don't need to be in the office for, like redesigning and rebuilding the website - which I am trying to teach msyelf PHP for, with some help from Steve and Rose. I just don't have time to do it, but desperately want to as I hate the current site, it is so clumsy to work with.

Amelia has started swimming lessons which she apparently didn't enjoy. Ash had to take her alone to the first one as I have been working a few extra days this month, the money is desperately needed at the moment, with two lots of car rego at nearly $600 each, school fees for Ash, also nearly $600 and rates, insurance and bills, all in one month, it hurts the poor credit card a bit! Back to swimming though, she loves it when we go there normally, but she didn't like the class thing, think she might be a bit of a rebel hehehe. She is certainly a little character, she counts, talks a mile a minute (I must record her saying "trousers" - it is so damn cute!), runs everywhere and has started giving kisses and cuddles when she feelslike it, usually just before bed time. She has a 7th tooth on its way through and she eats like a horse... 3 helpings of chicken, mushroom and capsicum casserole and rice tonight!!! When she climbs on your knee repeating "stoweeeee stoweeee" ("story story" for those not conversant in babyspeak!) over and over again you just have to hug her!

In other news, I currently have a foster kitten. We have a scheme at work where staff and volunteers can take home underage/underweight kittens to care for them until they are of an age/weight where they can be safely neutered and vaccinated for permanent adoption. My little fluffball is a black male, nearly 7 weeks old now, I have had him for 6 days. He's well on his way to adoption weight and is so cute. I have called him Little Black Sambo, Sammy for short. H wants to adopt him when he is available, so I am going to ask them to keep him out of the adoption lists for him. Ebony hates him passionately but Annie has shown very little interest in him either way, par for the course.

Well Ash should be home in a bit over half an hour, I should go do the dishes and give the place a tidy up, hope everyone is well!

I was going to leave you with some pictures but photobucket is spitting the dummy, maybe tomorrow!

Saturday 29th December 2007 13:43
Xmas 2007 Slide Show!

Saturday 29th December 2007 13:43

So Christmas is really over for another year? 2007 doesn't seem to have really happened, every time I go to sleep I wake up feeling like a week has passed while I was dreaming. I've been at RSPCA for nearly 3 months, Ash has been at his new job for nearly a month, and Amelia is, well she is a little kid now, not a baby.

The week leading up to Christmas was spent watching thunderstorms out the windows and marvelling that 3 weeks into summer, the weather could be so cold and wet. We watched a lot of DVD's and tried to avoid major shopping centres as much as possible, although some visits were inevitable.

We had a little pre-Christmas gathering here for Ash's birthday which was nice, it is so rare to get our little faux-family (bro, H and Kitty) all in one place these days, we had fun. We also spent a night at R&S's which was also very cool, it seems like no time at all has passed since we all met, but years have.

For Ash's actual birthday we had front row seats for Spam-A-Lot which Ash thoroughly enjoyed, I rolled my eyes a lot, but it really wasn't too bad. The next night was much better though, man I love seeing Clutch! Hopefully their current rate of visits to our fair shores continues, 3 times in 2 years is awesome.

We spent Christmas at the Island with mum and bro and were also joined by my uncle and auntie and their 3 boys. It was a Killer Bunnies and Risk Godstorm couple of days, which is always good. The weather fined up enough to take Amelia to the beach and get some photos of her first real moments playing in the water - even though she has been twice before, she was way to young to "play" there. I'm uploading some pics as I type - too cute. Usual place for those who want to look... http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q123/hidingbehindmyself/Amelia/?start=400

Now we are back at home, back at work and bubs back in daycare - and you can tell, she is sick again. Today she has been up for a grand total of half an hour and it is nearly 2pm. She's hot, she clingy and she just wants to sleep. My heart just melts though, every time she gets her dummy and her blanky and leads me to her cot... can you say awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?

Sorry to anyone who has missed me, I'm on the live life instead of write about it mode again, I know it won't last long so I am enjoying it while it does!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, we certainly did.